


five times they didn't and one time they did

by holtzbabe



Series: Us? A couple? [2]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, It's a Sequel!, Movie Nights, and all-around hilarity!, bad ice cream choices, costco, ft. gay times, the paparazzi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 08:16:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10302053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzbabe/pseuds/holtzbabe
Summary: Now that Holtzmann and Erin actually ARE a couple, they set out to see just how long it takes Abby and Patty to notice.Turns out, it's going to take a bit longer than they think.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! It's a sequel to my fic [ five times they weren't and one time they were! ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7882927) (Re)Reading the first one isn't necessary for understanding this one, but encouraged!
> 
> Quick refresher: Erin and Holtz are mistaken for a couple by everyone on the planet because of how couple-y they are, and then they finally become a couple. ENTER THIS STORY. Enjoy! :)

Erin and Holtz have been dating for precisely 6 hours and 24 minutes when Holtz gets the idea.

“Hey, Erin?” she calls down the stairs. “Could you come up here for a minute? I need to show you something.”

“Yeah,” Erin calls back. Moments later she appears at the top of the stairs.

Holtz beckons for her to come closer, and when Erin gets within distance she grabs hold of her and pulls her in for a searing kiss. She releases her after a bit and wipes her mouth off with the back of her hand. “Okay, now that that’s out of the way…” She rounds her worktable and takes a seat on her stool.

“Wait, do you actually have something to show me? I just assumed that was a euphemism for—” She gestured between them— “that.”

Holtz winks. “It was. But I also wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh no. That sounds serious.”

“This is _very_ serious. Okay. You know how I’ve called you up here to ‘see something’ approximately ten billion times today?”

“I recall that, yes.” Erin blushes. Holtz revels in the fact that she can make her girlfriend blush that easily. She also revels in the fact that she has a _girlfriend_ and that girlfriend is the beautifully brilliant _Erin Gilbert_.

“And have Abby or Patty clued in or commented on the fact that you’ve been coming up here every half hour?”

Erin frowns. “No…they haven’t. Gosh, even I can acknowledge how unsubtle we’re being.”

Holtz grins. “Exactly. We’ve been the _least_ subtle. And they haven’t noticed that anything’s changed.”

“That’s kind of hilarious, actually. I wonder when they’ll notice…”

“Ah, Dr. Gilbert, you’ve read my mind. If they haven’t noticed yet, what with all the unsubtlety, then it begs the question: what else wouldn’t they notice? Do you see where I’m going with this?”

“I…no.”

 “Okay. The whole world thought we were a couple when we weren’t, right?”

“Uh huh.” Erin blushes.

“Because we were engaging in behavior that _some_ might consider a sign of coupledom.”

“ _You_ were engaging in behavior. I was the helpless victim.”

“Suuuure. My point is though, that Abby and Patty are used to that kind of shit from us and don’t think anything of it, unlike the rest of the world, because they know we aren’t dating.”

“We _are_ dating, though.”

“Well, _now_ we are. But they don’t know that. And I think we could continue with the couple-y behavior and they would continue to think nothing of it. Now do you see where I’m going?”

Erin’s brow furrows and her nose scrunches up. “You want to keep our relationship a secret? Is that what you’re saying?”

“No, no, no. Well, yeah. But not because I don’t want them to know we’re dating. I want the whole entire world to know we’re dating. But I’m reaaaally intrigued by the idea of not telling them and seeing how long it takes them to figure it out.”

Comprehension dawns on Erin’s face. “Ooooh. That could be…fun.”

“You in?”

Erin nods. “We should set some ground rules though.”

“Like what?”

“Well, neither of us can tell them, obviously, and we can’t do anything _too_ obvious in front of them.”

“Too obvious like…this?” Holtz gets up from her chair and strolls over to Erin, grabs her around her waist to pull her in, and kisses her until she pulls away, breathless.

“Yeah,” Erin gasps, “we can’t do that in front of them.”

“Damn.” Holtz winks.

“This was _your_ idea.”

“I know. So no making out in front of them. Righty-o. Anything else?”

“I mean…I feel like everything else is fair game. Is it weird that I’m kind of excited for this?”

Holtz grins. “Not at all. Now, let’s head downstairs and let the not-secret secret relationship begin!”

They make their way downstairs together. Abby and Patty seem to be packing up for the end of the day.

Abby glances at them. “Where have you two been?”

Holtz throws her arm around Erin. “Doing experiments,” she replies without a beat. In her peripherals, she sees Erin’s mouth twitch.

“Are y’all heading out now?”

“I think I am,” Erin says. “Holtz?”

It’s a pretty well-known fact that Holtz tends to stay at the lab late. “Yeah, I’ll head out too. Erin, split a cab?”

“Sounds good to me,” Erin replies, amusement in her voice.

Patty looks surprised. “Holtzy leaving at a reasonable hour? What is this? Erin, is this your doing?”

“Guess I’ve been rubbing off on her,” Erin says, her voice so thick with innuendo that Holtz chokes and then has to cover it up with a coughing fit.

“Gross, are you getting sick?” Abby pulls a face. “And Erin, don’t act like you’re any better. You’re almost as much of a workaholic as she is.”

“I guess we’re straightening each other out.”

Holtz snorts. “Good luck _straight_ ening me out.”

“Gay joke. Classy.” Erin bumps her hip against Holtz’s.

“Stop flirting and get your coats so I can lock up,” Abby says.

They do, and soon Holtz and Erin are sliding into the back of a cab outside the firehouse. Once they’re a safe distance away, Erin says, “You think they know?”

“Nah.”

“Abby said ‘stop flirting.’”

“And? I’ve been flirting with you for months.”

“Fair point. I see you’re pulling out the big guns from the start. Sharing a cab. We don’t live anywhere near each other.”

Holtz leans across the seat and presses her lips to Erin’s neck, then moves up to whisper in her ear. “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

 

* * *

 

Every two weeks, the whole team has a De-Stress Night (Patty’s idea, when she realized how intensely the other three throw themselves into their work), which usually involves a slumber-party of sorts at the firehouse complete with lots of food, alcohol, a movie marathon on the big screen TV that they somehow convinced the mayor’s office that they needed, and ultimately falling asleep in the big pillow and blanket nest that they set up on these nights.

Erin and Holtz have been dating for five days when the next De-Stress Night comes around. Holtz is already getting bored of this game (not being able to kiss Erin whenever she wants is slowly driving her bonkers), so she decides to kick things up a notch.

This is how she ends up sprawled across Erin’s lap within ten minutes of the first movie of the night starting.

This in itself wouldn’t be unusual. She usually takes up this much room during movies, and they’ve all been victim to it. However, she wants to see just how far into Erin’s personal space she can get without one of the others commenting on it. She started off pretty simple, just leaning against Erin’s side, then started inching her way closer and closer. Now, she’s got her head and a good part of her torso fully in Erin’s lap.

Erin smirks down at her, and then very deliberately twines her fingers through Holtz’s hair. Holtz curls up into her touch like a cat.

They stay like this as the movie progresses, and for a while Holtz forgets that this is part of a game. It’s just nice to be able to cuddle with her girlfriend. By the time the first movie ends, she’s nearly falling asleep, cozy and warm in Erin’s embrace on the couch.

“I’m starting another round of popcorn,” Abby says, getting up from her place in the blanket nest on the floor. “Anyone else want in on this?”

“I’ll have some,” Erin pipes up.

Abby looks their way, but doesn’t seem to take in anything unusual about the way they’re sitting. “Sure. Patty?”

“I’m good.” She holds up her glass of wine.

“For the last time, wine isn’t a snack.”

“For the last time, mind your damn business.”

Holtz tunes out their banter and turns her head to look up at Erin. “Is this the best you’ve got?” Holtz says, quiet enough that Erin will be able to hear but the others won’t.

“What, this is couple-y!”

“Amateur.”

Erin tugs on her hair in response.

A grin splits Holtz’s face. “You know behavior like that is only going to encourage me, right?”

“What, you like that?” Erin pulls again.

“Dirty talk? Now we’re talking. That’s what I call toeing the line, baby.”

“Say that a little louder, Holtz, I think there’s someone in Jersey who didn’t hear you.”

“Patty’s asleep.”

Erin looks over to the recliner, where Patty is, in fact, suddenly conked out. Wine makes her sleepy.

“Well that’s no fun,” Erin says.

“Abby’s our only hope now.”

“Poor Abby.”

Abby has just returned from the microwave balancing two new bowls of popcorn. “Poor Abby what?”

“Poor Abby, left alone to make snacks for us,” Holtz says quickly. “Valiant soldier.”

“I don’t see you getting up to help.”

“Don’t wanna move. Erin’s comfy.”

“Clearly.” She turns to Erin. “Where do you want this?”

“Pass it here.”

Erin takes the bowl of popcorn, deliberates for a moment, then sets it down on top of Holtz’s boobs.

“Hey!”

“If you’re going to be there, you’re going to do double duty as a table.”

“But now I can’t reach it. Drop some into my mouth.”

“Holtz, no! You’ll choke!”

“Pssshhhh. Choke, shmoke. Gimme the ’corn.”

“Only if you sit up.”

“Eeeeeerin.”

“Will you two shut up? You know the opening credits are my favourite part.”

“Sorry, Abby,” they chorus.

A minute later: “Eriiin.”

“Only if you sit up.”

“How’d you know what I was going to ask?”

“Because I know you.”

“I can’t sit up, there’s popcorn on my boob.”

“If I move it, will you sit up?”

“Will you _shut_ up? Man, y’all are annoying as hell.”

They look to the recliner. “When did you wake up?” Erin asks.

Patty groans. “When you crazies wouldn’t stop nattering.”

“Seriously, I’m going to kill the next person who speaks.”

Holtz chuckles. “You say that every movie night, Abs.”

“It’s not my fault she’s being difficult,” Erin says. “If she would just sit up, then we could share the popcorn and everything would be fine.”

Abby pauses the movie. “That’s it. I’m going to get another drink, and by the time I get back if you two haven’t sorted your shit, I’m outta here.”

“Love you, Abby,” Holtz calls as she leaves.

“Holtz, get up.” Erin pokes her.

“M’comfy.”

“I think you’d be comfier sitting up.”

“I think that’s an unsubstantiated claim, Dr. Gilbert.”

“Then let me substantiate it,” Erin says. She lifts the popcorn bowl from Holtz’s chest.

“In the interest of science…” Holtz pushes herself up and adjusts herself, then sighs. “See, not as comfy.”

Erin wraps an arm around her and pulls her close. “What about now?”

“Better, but still not as good.”

“Take the popcorn.”

Holtz obliges.

“Now stand up.”

“Eriiiin. I’ve been hoodwinked.”

“Roll with me.”

Holtz grumbles as she stands. Erin stands as well and moves to the blanket nest on the floor with her back against the couch, and pats between her legs. Holtz raises an eyebrow but drops to the ground. Erin immediately curls her arms around Holtz and rests her chin on her shoulder.

“Better? Now if you hold the popcorn we can share it and nobody will choke.”

“Patty might,” Holtz mutters. “So this was all a plan to get me to hold the bowl so you don’t have to, right?”

“You see right through me.”

“I feel like we’re in birthing class.” Holtz lets out a loud and long groan. “Oh God, oh God, it’s coming! The baby’s coming!”

Erin plays along. “Breathe! Breathe!”

Holtz lifts the bowl in the air. “It’s…A SNACK!”

“What the hell did I just walk into?” Abby’s staring at them in amazement. “Jesus. I’m gone for two seconds. I’m regretting not picking a stronger drink.”

“Abby, I have a serious question to ask you. Will you be the godmother of my popcorn?”

“ _Our_ popcorn,” Erin corrects.

“Oh, so when it’s the fun stuff it’s _our_ popcorn, but as soon as it comes time to _hold_ it, it’s _my_ popcorn. I see how it is.”

“Nope. Can’t do this. Not today. Patty’s going back to sleep.”

“Did you guys do a shot while I was gone? Or five?”

“Oh Abby. Abby, Abby, Abby.”

“…yes?”

“Please don’t imply we’d drink around a newborn.”

Behind her, Erin dissolves into giggles and drops her forehead down to Holtz’s shoulder. A smile of her own twitches its way through Holtz’s deadpan.

“You’re hopeless. Hopeless!” Abby throws her free hand up. “Glad you’re taking the ‘de-stress’ part of this evening and running with it. Now, can I start the movie again?”

“I don’t know, _can_ you?” Erin says, then loses it again.

Abby gives her a hard glare and claims a spot on the couch.

“Methinks you need to work on your de-stress game, Abberoo. Take a page out of our book.”

“I don’t even want to _open_ your book.”

“Start the movie, Abby. We’ll behave,” Erin says. “See?” She reaches into the popcorn bowl to grab a handful.

Holtz cranes her head to look at Erin in horror. “Our _child!_ ”

Erin chokes on her mouthful of popcorn and manages to send a spray of it onto Holtz’s back and neck, where Holtz feels it, spitty and gross.

Erin manages to get her cough-laughter under control. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

“You choked! You choked on the popcorn! How’s _that_ for irony!”

“You’re way too enthusiastic for someone with chewed up popcorn all over her neck,” Abby comments.

“Erin’ll take care of it, won’t she?” Holtz teased.

“I don’t…have a napkin. Uh…” There’s a few seconds pause, then Holtz feels Erin wipe her neck off with her hand. There’s a pause.

“Erin! Did I just see you lick that off your hand?” Abby sounds horrified.

“What? It was either that or wipe it on my pants, and it was already in my mouth!”

“It was on the back of Holtzmann’s neck! God knows what’s on there! The woman is probably 80% radioactive at this point.”

“I don’t mind.”

Holtz stifles laughter into her fist. “Next time, save yourself the middle man and just lick it right off my neck. That’s what I’d do.”

“Like…this?” A second later, Erin’s tongue licks a strip up the back of Holtz’s neck.

“Oh God, my eyes! My eyes! Patty, wake up!”

Patty snores.

“Is there something in the water tonight? What is _with_ you guys! It’s like—” Abby breaks off. “Never mind. God. I’m starting the movie whether you like it or not, and I’m going to try to forget that image and pray it’s not permanently burned into my retinas.”

Erin laughs again.

Abby starts the movie, still grumbling to herself, and Holtz leans back into Erin and sets the popcorn beside her.

“Can you even see the movie?” she whispers.

“I think you’ve forgotten how short you are.”

“I’ve forgotten how _mean_ you are.”

“Don’t call me mean, I’ll lick you again.”

“You’re mean.”

Erin shifts behind her and suddenly her mouth is right beside Holtz’s ear. She can feel the tickle of her breath. “I’ll remember you said that later.”

Holtz squirms.

They fall silent. The bowl of popcorn lies forgotten beside them. Erin holds Holtz tightly. They watch the movie, but not really.

By the end of it, Abby has stolen a pillow and blanket from the floor and is dozing off on the couch. Holtz and Erin have been sinking progressively down. Erin stretches to nab the remote from beside Abby and shuts down the TV. They grab some blankets and pillows and rearrange themselves so they’re lying down and spooning, Holtz the big spoon this time. Normally they all fight over who has to sleep on the floor, but Holtz isn’t even upset about her fate. Not when she’s got Erin as the comfiest pillow.

She presses a kiss to the back of Erin’s head. “Goodnight.”

“Night,” Erin mumbles sleepily.

They wake up the next morning entangled with each other and covered in popcorn. Holtz must’ve kicked the bowl in her sleep. She’s a very restless sleeper.

Patty’s standing over them. “I don’t know what I missed last night, and I don’t think I want to know.”

From face-down on the couch, Abby groans, “You don’t.”

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Holtz slides down the firepole and lands with a satisfying thud. She strolls over to where Erin’s bent over her desk and clamps her hands down on her shoulders.

“Hey, Holtz.”

“Erin, m’dear, care to accompany me to go get ice cream?” She says this loud enough that everyone will be able to hear her.

“Sure,” Erin says, a little surprised sounding.

Abby looks up. “Just the two of you? Why don’t we get invites?”

“Because, Abby dearest, you’re lactose intolerant and Patty’s been so absorbed in that book for days that I don’t think she’d react if every atom in the world instantly shrank a third of the size and combusted.”

Erin turns. “Is that possible?”

“Anything is possible if I ignore the laws of physics hard enough,” Holtz says with a shrug.

“Why didn’t you ask Kevin, then?” Abby presses.

“Kevin needs to answer the phone.”

Abby rolls her eyes. “Kevin doesn’t answer the phone even when he’s here. Kevin, buddy, what’re you doing right now?”

Kevin looks up from his computer screen. “Looking for my fish.”

They’re all silent for a moment.

“You think he means an actual fish, or are we looking at another Mike Hat situation?” Holtz stage-whispers.

“What else could he possibly mean?”

Holtz shrugs. “Australians. Who the hell can understand them?”

Erin snorts. “So, ice cream?”

“Let’s do it.”

“You realize that sounds a lot like a date?” Abby says.

They both freeze, and exchange a panicked glance that says they’re both thinking the same thing: What are the rules for this situation?

Abby cracks up. “Your _faces_. I’ll never get tired of your reactions when people think you’re a couple. It’s my favourite thing.”

They relax and force out some laughter that sounds pretty natural, to Holtz’s ears at least.

Soon, they’re walking in the direction of a nearby ice cream parlour.

“What do you think?” Erin asks.

“About Abby? Don’t think she knows.”

“Really? She’s got to have some inkling by now.”

“Considering I asked you on a date right in front of her, you’d think.” Holtz taps her chin. “I’m getting the sense that they’re even more unobservant than we give them credit for.”

“That’s only going to make this more fun,” Erin says. As they walk, she grabs hold of Holtz’s bicep and gives it a squeeze. “So this is a date?”

“What else would you call going to get ice cream in the middle of the work day?”

“A ploy to get out of work?”

“When have I ever wanted to get out of work? I love work.”

“A part of the game, then?”

Holtz stops suddenly, causing Erin to nearly fall over. “Erin.” Holtz reaches to stroke her cheek. “Everything I’ve done in this game, I’ve done because _wanted_ to, because you’re my girlfriend and I like you a lot and I want to hold you and go on cute mid-day dates with you and so much more. Messing with Patty and Abby is just a hilarious perk of all this. Got it?”

Erin beams. “Got it.”

“Good. Now we can resume.”

They reach the ice cream parlour and order towering cones, then take them and embark on a stroll around the neighbourhood.

Holtz takes a large bite out of her ice cream and Erin winces.

“I can’t believe you’re a biter.”

Holtz waggles her eyebrows. “Believe it, baby. Want a taste?”

“That is the vilest combination you’ve got there. No thanks.”

“Come on, can’t knock it ’til you try it!”

“I’ll stick with my rum and raisin, thank you.”

Holtz pretends to barf. “How can you eat that stuff?”

“How can you eat _that?_ ”

“What’s not to love?” Holtz holds the cone out near Erin’s face, and she flinches away from it. “You’ve got your rainbow sherbet, which is super gay, you’ve got your mint chocolate chip, a classic combo, and then you’ve got your cotton candy on the bottom to keep things spicy.”

“Fruit and artificial mint and cotton candy do _not_ go together.”

“You say that, but you haven’t tasted it.”

“Get it out of my face.”

“Not until you try it!”

Erin takes a small lick.

“That doesn’t count! You only got one flavour! Gotta get all three.”

“When I spit it out back onto the cone, you’re going to regret this.”

Erin makes a face and takes a more suitable lick. Holtz takes the cone back. “Wellll?”

“That’s disgusting.”

“Boooo.”

Just then, somewhere nearby, there’s a discernible clicking noise.

“Erin, get down!” Holtz shouts, grabbing Erin’s arm and yanking her to the ground.

Erin yelps and drops her ice cream cone. “Holtzmann! What the _hell!_ ”

“Shhhhh.”

“What are you _doing?_ You made me drop my ice cream!”

“ _Shhhhh_.”

“Is there a ghost?”

“You think we’d be hiding if there was a ghost?”

“We’re not _hiding_ , we’re crouching on the ground.”

“It’s something worse than a ghost.”

“What?” Erin sounds suddenly fearful.

“ _Paparazzi,_ ” Holtz hisses.

“What? Where?”

“I don’t know, but I heard the camera.”

“Holtz, that could’ve been anyone with a camera!”

“Who would be taking photos with a professional camera around here?”

“I don’t know, _tourists?_ ”

“I’m telling you, Erin.”

“Well what good does crouching on the ground do us? We’re still completely visible!”

They both turn silent and start looking around them.

“Ah,” Holtz says, staring over her shoulder at a man pointing a camera right at them, and it’s still clicking.

“Is someone there?” Erin turns her head to look back too, and freezes. “Oh.”

“I may have made a tactical error.”

“WE DROPPED A CONTACT LENS,” Erin shouts. Several people turn their way.

The man continues to take photos.

“What was _that?_ ”

“A cover for why we’re currently on the ground?”

“Great. Now what?”

“Uhh…” Erin overexaggerates picking up an invisible object from the ground and waves it in the air. “WE FOUND IT!”

“If ghostbusting ever falls through for you, please don’t go into acting.”

“Come on, we have to stand up now.”

Erin pulls her up and stares sadly down at her fallen ice cream. “I can’t believe you made me drop my ice cream.”

“I’ll buy you another one. Now come on, if we walk away quickly maybe he won’t follow us.”

“I don’t even understand why paparazzi are interested in us. We’re not celebrities.”

“We’re quasi-celebrities. We did save the city.”

“But we’re _scientists_. Who cares about scientists?”

“That guy, apparently.”

Erin groans. “See, this is why I wanted to keep our dates in private locations. It still weirds me out that there are pictures of us out there. People make compilation videos about us, did you know that? And they photoshop photos of us with rainbows and flower crowns. People ship us. I didn’t even know what that meant before all this.”

Holtz chuckles, then turns serious. “I’m sorry for bringing you here like this. I didn’t think…I don’t know, I forgot.”

“It’s okay, really. You didn’t know. I wasn’t even thinking about it. I’d forgotten all about paparazzi until this, actually.”

Holtz hesitates. “Erin, do you…uh.” She pauses and licks her forgotten ice cream where it’s currently melting its way down her arm. “Do you…um. After this stuff with Abby and Patty is over…”

“Am I still going to want to date you in private?” Erin asks.

Holtz nods, grateful that Erin knows her well enough to pick up what she’s laying down.

“Well…yes and no. I don’t want to keep it a secret, and I want to be able to go to whatever place I want with you and not care who sees us. But at the same time…I don’t want my life to be on display, you know?”

Holtz nods again and takes a bite of her rapidly-softening ice cream.

“Maybe we can play it by ear after the others finally clue in?”

“Erin, what if it takes them months? At the rate they’re going…”

Erin considers that. “Why don’t we give them another week? If they haven’t figured it out by then, we’ll tell them?”

“I like that plan.”

“Good. So do I. Now, let’s go get me a replacement ice cream.”

“No more rum and raisin.”

Erin reaches out and bats Holtz’s own cone out of her hand. It falls to the ground with a splat.

“Oops.”

“Hey!”

“Neither of us is allowed to get what we got before. Deal?”

“Fine,” Holtz grumbles.

“I’m doing you a favour. That thing was a crime against nature.”

The next morning, Kevin arrives at work (at 11:30am, well after the start of his shift) and waves something at them. “Guys! You’re on the front page of the news!”

Holtz looks up from where she’s sitting on the edge of Erin’s desk, going over calculations with her.

“What?” Abby hurries over and snatches it from him, then bursts out laughing as she scans it. “Kevin, this isn’t a newspaper.”

“Sure it is,” he says.

Abby’s still laughing as she comes over and drops it on the desk between Erin and Holtz. “What did I tell you guys?”

It’s a well-known tabloid, and the whole cover is taken up with a photo of her and Erin standing close together while Erin licks Holtz’s ice cream. Why did they publish _that_ photo? Headline: _Lovebusters Bust Ice Cream, Then Each Others’ Hearts_. There’s a series of smaller photos down the side of them arguing, probably about Holtz’s ice cream combination, then of them crouching on the ground.

Holtz flips to page 11, where they’ve got a full-page spread with more photos and an article.

“‘Ghostbusting girlfriends Jillian Gilbert and Erin Holtzmann’—hey, they can’t even competently get our names right?”

“Jillian Gilbert. That’s a nice sounding name. Lots of ‘il’s,” Holtz muses. “Could shorten it to Jillbert.”

“‘—share an ice cream on a hot day after tempers flare.’ What does that even _mean?_ ”

“Attention everyone, I’d like to be addressed as Jillbert from now on. Thank you.”

“‘The couple was seen fighting on the streets of Manhattan. Ghosts may not be the only thing these ladies have to worry about.’ Oh come on.”

“Jiiiiillbert.”

“Patty, you’ve got to come see this,” Abby says, wiping tears from her eyes.

“I’m reading.”

“US Weekly wrote an article about Erin and Holtz.”

“For real?”

“They’re famous! They’re on the first page!” Kevin says happily.

“This is so ridiculous. ‘The pair was spotted crouching on the ground while Jillian consoled her lover about her fallen frozen treat.’ He didn’t even include that we were looking for our contact lens!”

“Neither of you wear contacts,” Patty says, having come up behind them.

“Patty, please call me Jillbert from now on.”

“No.”

“But we _told_ him that we were looking for our contact lens!”

“Erin, stop calling it a contact lens. Just say contact. It’s weird. And yeah, neither of you wear contacts. What the hell were you doing on the ground?”

“Hiding from the paparazzi.”

“You didn’t do a great job,” Patty said. “This is some funny shit, though. Can we frame this?”

“No!”

“Jillbert says…” Holtz tapped her chin. “Yes!”

Abby shakes her head. “I don’t know how you expect to convince the world you aren’t a couple when you go and pull stuff like this.”

“We were eating ice cream! Since when does that mean anything?”

“Hey, I’m as surprised as you are that they didn’t ‘gal-pal’ you guys. Maybe the media is finally coming into the modern age! Now _anyone_ can be mistaken as a couple, not just straight people.”

“Equality!” Holtz punches the air. “Come on Erin Holtzmann, you have to admit this is cool. Front page of the news!”

Erin’s lips twitch up at the name. “It’s not the news.”

“Gotta start somewhere.” Holtz winks.

“Shut up, Jillbert.”

Holtz raises her arms overhead in victory.

 

* * *

 

Erin is up in the lab, which she’s been doing a lot lately, and she currently has her tongue in Holtz’s mouth, which she’s _also_ been doing a lot lately. If Holtz is being honest, it’s extremely dangerous to make out against the machinery that they’re making out against, but as if that’s going to stop them. Besides, ‘safe’ is all relative. This isn’t one of the _really_ dangerous machines. Or…is it? She can’t actually tell from her vantage point. That’s part of the thrill, though.

She has her hands all the way up the back of Erin’s shirt, and Erin has a knee between Holtz’s legs, and it’s all great until they hear footsteps on the stairs.

They spring apart instantly like they’ve been shocked (which wouldn’t be impossible or even unlikely, considering what they were leaning against, now that Holtz can see it). Erin fumbles to tug her shirt down and smooth her hair, and Holtz tries to fix her own hair, which has been compromised. Damn Erin’s wandering hands.

Holtz spins towards the machine and coughs. “So, right here is the accelerator, and that’s where—”

“Oh, hi Patty!” Erin says brightly.

Holtz turns back to see Patty standing at the top of the stairs.

“I called ten times. What the hell were y’all doing up here, making out?”

Holtz takes a chance. “Yes,” she deadpans.

There’s a beat. “HA!” Patty pretends to slap her leg and wipe fake tears from her eyes. “You’re a regular stand-up comedian. Someone get this girl a mic and a stage.”

Holtz bows.

“Now, if you’re done trying to be funny, this is your _last_ call for lunch. I’m heading out to get sandwiches. Holtzy, I know you’ll—”

“Cheesesteak.”

“Yeah, yeah. Erin?”

“Tuna salad on rye?”

“You got it. Y’all lucky I’m patient and hauled my ass up here. Next time you don’t reply, I’m going without you.”

“Love you, Patty!” Holtz calls as Patty departs back down the stairs.

They wait until they hear the front door slam and then turn to each other.

“I don’t—how much more obvious can we _get?_ ” Erin points. “Your top button is undone, for gosh sake.”

Holtz looks down. “So it is. What if we—”

“No sex in the lab.”

“I bet that would tip them off for sure, though!”

“Holtz.”

“Alriiiight.”

 

* * *

 

“We’ve got a live one, ladies,” Abby announces from where she’s bent over Kevin’s desk. “Well, not a _live_ one.” She chuckles.

Holtz whoops.

The four of them disappear into their cubicles to change into their uniforms. Holtz rolls up her sleeves as she exits and shoots a grin at Erin.

In the car, Abby briefs them while Holtz speeds through traffic, sirens wailing. “It’s at the Costco on East 117th. The building’s already been evacuated.”

“Patty, anything we should know?” Erin asks.

“Uhh. Opened in 2009? I can’t think of anything about that area that could explain what we’re dealing with.”

“Going in blind’s more fun.” Holtz cuts into the other lane and a car honks.

When they screech to a stop by the building, a large crowd of evacuated shoppers stares at them and a murmur ripples through. A few camera flashes go off as they gear up. Holtz loves this part, the part when they first get to the building and don’t know what to expect.

When they get to the entrance, a few NYPD officers greet them and tell them that the spectre is flying around the warehouse and knocking stuff off shelves.

“I just about got flattened by a pallet of frying pans,” one says. “Be careful in there.”

“Relax, gentlemen, we’ve encountered this sort of thing before.” Abby takes her proton wand from the side of her pack.

“We got this,” Patty agrees.

Holtz swings her own wand from her pack in excitement and so do the others. They step past the officers and through the entrance.

“What’s the plan?” Erin’s fingers drum on her gun in anticipation. Her trigger finger is adorable. Always ready to fight.

“Let’s split up. Holtz, back right quadrant. Erin, front right. Patty, front left. I’ll take the back left. Walkie if you see it, or just shout.”

“Righty-o.” Holtz salutes. She departs for the back of the store, scanning down the aisles she passes as she goes. Wherever the apparition is, it must be on red alert now that they’re there, because everything is still. Come on, this is no fun.

She reaches the back and pivots, then lifts her walkie to her mouth and surveys what she can see of the store. “Anything?”

“ _Nothing here,_ ” Patty says. “ _Anyone?_ ”

Abby’s voice crackles through as well. “ _I can’t see anything yet_.”

There’s silence. Holtz presses the button again. “Erin?”

There’s a pause, and Holtz is about to ask again when the radio comes to life. “No, I—OH! I see him, he’s—”

Several things happen simultaneously. Erin’s voice cuts off, and Holtz sees directly down the aisle to where Erin’s standing, and she sees blue light streaking towards her, and she sees Erin raise her weapon too late, and she sees the ghost collide with Erin, and she hears a scream immediately silenced, and she watches in horror as Erin’s body flies through the air and into a pallet stacked with boxes of granola bars, which split like a set of pins struck by a bowling ball.

“ _What was that?_ ” Abby’s voice says, panicked, but Holtz is already running.

“ERIN!”

She sprints as fast as she can, holstering her weapon as she goes and ducking around abandoned shopping carts. She can see Erin’s body amongst the fallen boxes. The spirit circles overhead, and she swears she can hear it laughing.

“ERIN,” she screams again, her voice raw and hoarse, loud enough that she’s pretty sure she popped a blood vessel in her eye.

She sees Patty get there before she does, and bend in front of Erin, and then she helps her struggle to her feet and remove her proton pack.

Holtz arrives just in time to hear Erin say, “I’m okay, I’m okay.”

She heaves herself at her, elbowing Patty out of the way in the process, which is probably rude, and at the last second she remembers that she can’t kiss Erin. She buries her face in Erin’s shoulder instead and throws her arms around her, gripping tightly.

“Holtz,” Erin squeaks. “Holtz, too tight.”

Holtz releases her immediately and steps back enough to see her face. She moves her hands to grasp Erin’s upper arms. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m okay, Holtz, really. I just had the wind knocked out of me.”

She hears Abby arrive, panting. “What happened?”

“Ghost threw her,” Holtz says, not taking her eyes from Erin’s. She reaches to sweep a strand of hair from her face. They’re both trembling.

And fuck this, Holtz thinks. She’s done with this game. It’s not fun any more. Erin could’ve been seriously injured but she’s not, and Holtz wants to kiss her but she can’t, and that thought makes her want to push over one of these pallets herself.

Shaking, she drops her hands and reaches to her side, where her newly invented proton boomerang is charging. She takes a few steps back from everyone else and tilts her head up.

The monster is still soaring up in the rafters. Holtz takes aim, draws her arm back, and hurls the boomerang with everything she’s got. It strikes the spectre dead centre and slices right through, and it explodes with a bang of brightly coloured energy. A few drops of ectoplasm rain down on them. The boomerang comes hurtling back and Holtz catches it with ease, hooking it back into place on its charging station.

Asshole never saw it coming.

She turns back to the others, who are watching her with a mixture of expressions. Erin’s is one of awe, whereas Abby and Patty look equal parts impressed and confused.

Holtz reaches into her pocket and throws the keys to the Ecto to Patty. “Finish up here. I’m taking Erin to the hospital.”

Now they just look baffled. She’s aware that she’s a hypocrite. A few months back she cracked a rib on a bust and they had to drag her kicking and screaming to the hospital.

This is different, though. This is Erin.

“Holtz, I told you I’m fine.”

Holtz takes out her cell. “Hospital,” she says firmly.

“You don’t need to call 911,” Abby says quickly. “There are paramedics outside already, I saw them when we came in.”

“Go get them, then.”

Abby hesitates for a moment, then jogs off.

“Sit down, Erin.”

“Holtz, I don’t need to—”

“Humour me?” Holtz pleads.

Erin holds her gaze for a moment longer and then slowly nods. Holtz helps her down to the ground and crouches by her.

“That scared me,” she whispers.

Erin bites her lip. “Me too.”

“Uh, ditto.” They both look up to see Patty standing there, still looking confused. Holtz forgot she was there.

Abby returns with some paramedics behind her, and Holtz moves just enough out of the way that they can get to her, but remains close enough to hold Erin’s hand.

She doesn’t miss the look that Abby and Patty exchange before they take off in search of payment and to talk to the crowd outside.

The paramedics check Erin over and confirm that she should go to the hospital to be checked out. She refuses to get on the stretcher they’ve brought in, so Holtz walks with her to the entrance. As they make their way to the back of a waiting ambulance, the crowd stirs and a few more flashes go off. This time, instead of pumping her up, they piss Holtz off. She tries to block as much of Erin’s body as she can, to give her privacy. No doubt, they’ll make the front page of the ‘news’ again.

As the ambulance drives off, Holtz holds Erin’s hand in the back. She told the paramedics she was Erin’s family so they’d let her ride along, and their exchanged glance indicated that they probably knew that was bullshit, but they let her come anyway. Being quasi-famous has its perks sometimes.

She presses a kiss to Erin’s forehead. “Erin…”

“I know, Holtz.”

“I don’t want to hide this anymore.”

“I know,” Erin says quietly. “Me neither.”

 

* * *

 

The doctor releases them after proclaiming how lucky Erin is that she didn’t injure herself. She says to expect heavy bruising, but other than that she gives them the clear. Her back, neck, and head are fine. Lucky, she repeats as she ushers them out.

They get a cab back to the firehouse. Abby and Patty are waiting there, seated around the table where they eat meals. Abby jumps up when they enter.

Erin flashes a thumbs up. “I’m all good.”

Abby sinks back into her chair in relief. “You scared us, Erin.”

Holtz takes a seat. Erin seems to contemplate for a moment, then she drops into Holtz’s lap without warning and hangs an arm around Holtz’s shoulders. She’s surprised for only a second, then relaxes. She sees what Erin’s doing.

The table is silent. She can feel Abby and Patty’s eyes boring holes in them.

“Okay, I can’t do this anymore!” Patty booms. “This is getting ridiculous! Do y’all even _see_ yourself? Do you _know_ what you’re doing?”

“Seriously,” Abby says, “I know you guys get all weird about it, but have you ever considered _why_ everyone and their chicken thinks you’re a couple? Have you ever even _talked_ about it?”

“Look at you!” Patty says. “I’m surprised y’all can still breathe with all that sexual and romantic tension choking you. How can you not _notice_ it?”

“You need to stop ignoring what’s right in front of your eyes and talk to each other. We’re not letting you leave this firehouse until you do.”

“Because it’s obvious as shit to everyone else that you’re supposed to be together. Hell, you basically _are_ together. You just don’t know it. It’s maddening!”

“Just _please_ , for the love of God, acknowledge your feelings for one another, before we lose our minds.”

Erin and Holtz have been silent through all of this. Holtz turns to Erin, and Erin looks back down at her.

“What do you think?” Holtz says, as nonchalantly as if she’s asking what place they should order dinner from.

“Sounds good to me,” Erin replies, just as smoothly. Her eyes sparkle.

Holtz smirks back and hooks a hand around the back of Erin’s head to pull her down and join their lips together. Erin shifts so both her arms are draped around Holtz’s neck and leans into the kiss. It doesn’t last long, and then they pull apart.

“Speaking of dinner,” Holtz says, like nothing happened, “where do you want to order from tonight?”

“Were we speaking about dinner?”

“Well, I was thinking about it.”

“While you were kissing me? That’s rude.”

Holtz kisses her nose. “It’s called multi-tasking, babe.”

“What the _fuck?_ ” Patty says.

They look down at the other end of the table in mirth. Abby’s mouth is hanging completely open.

“What… _what?_ Are you…”

“Didn’t we tell you?” Erin says. “We’ve been dating for weeks.”

“Two weeks, three days, and six hours.”

“And,” Erin checks her watch, “18 minutes.”

Without looking, Holtz lifts her hand for a high five. Erin slaps it immediately.

“ _What?”_

Patty drops her head into her hands. “Oh God, it all makes sense now.”

“You guys didn’t _tell_ us?”

“We wanted to see how long it would take you to notice,” Erin says, a smile in her voice.

“Of course we _noticed_. How could we not? We just thought _you_ didn’t know!” Abby wails. “I can’t believe I’ve been duped!”

“So does that mean we’ve got your blessing?” Holtz smiles angelically.

“Of course you do, dipshits,” Patty says. “Oh my God, Abby, do you know what this means? _Kevin_ figured it out before us.”

Abby’s head falls to the table with a clunk. “Noooooooo!”

Holtz leans her cheek against Erin’s chest. “Think they’ll get over it any time soon?”

“Once they nurse their pride back, they’ll be happy for us.”

“Probably not a good time to mention we’ve been getting it on in the lab, huh?”

Abby and Patty’s heads snap in their direction. “You _what?_ ”

“Nothiiiing,” they reply back, then dissolve into laughter.

“I take it all back,” Patty says. “I liked it better when I didn’t know.”

“NO TAKE-BACKS,” Holtz shouts. “ERIN AND I ARE DATING AND YOU’RE GONNA BE REMINDED OF THAT EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY.”

“Holtz. My ears.”

“Sorry. I’m just really excited about dating you.”

Erin kisses the crown of her head. “I understand that feeling. So, dinner?”

Holtz smiles against her chest.

Yeah, screw the game. This feeling beats everything.

Even if Abby’s unforgettable expression makes everything worth it.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclaimer, I've never been to NYC, let alone to this particular Costco. So if you HAVE, and my description of it is blatantly impossible, then shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this is fiction.
> 
> Thanks as always to [ JNH ](http://lil-peanutt.tumblr.com) for not being afraid to tell me when my dialogue doesn't make sense. I don't deserve you. 
> 
> Come follow me on [ Tumblr? ](http://jillbert.tumblr.com) Let's be friends! Come christen my new URL that's based on this fic!


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